apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
