Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
