Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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