Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he was CRYING into my vagina
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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