Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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