Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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