I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
