Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
