Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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