a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
