Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
