haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
