i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
