i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
