i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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