You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
