Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
40s are totally the cure
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize