saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
