I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
