I think I died a long time ago.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
