Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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