Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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