I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize