epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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