I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
