sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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