That's intense
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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