apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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