some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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