allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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