Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
