and i looked up. we had an audience...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
