TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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