I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
