I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
