I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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