Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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