I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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