omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
