grandma shit on top of the toilet
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize