I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
