I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
