I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
