Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
