Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
