dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
