so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The air was thick with penises
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
