The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
