for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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