She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
