dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
40s are totally the cure
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
