great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
