I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
