Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
