Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
