Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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