she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
