If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
