When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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