...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
